Jace's one and only
by Breeby
Summary: "Then your eyes went blank and the spark I love so much about them," Jace reaches up as if to stroke her cheek, but stopped himself when Clary pulled away, "it disappeared," he whispered, letting his hand fall back down to his side.


Pressed up hard against the wall, Clary felt the heat of Jace's lips roam her helpless body. She was in his mercy, waiting for him to do something. He'd led her into this room without a word or sign of what was going to happen, but by a pained look. A look she had been seeing a lot from him in the past few days. The expression on his face was torture enough to witness, but his entire body appeared to mirror his sadness. Clary would see him walking around the house in Alicante, capture the moment Jace laid eyes on her with the beat of her heart, and then observe a sudden change. His confident and unbelievably flawless air about him would abolish and leave behind one of grief.  
She followed Jace into this room hoping for an explanation, some kind of reason she shouldn't stay up at night, traumatised by the thought of him in such pain. She just didn't expect it to be so pronounced. Clary had walked into the room and shut the door quietly, hoping not to disturb anybody walking along the wooden floors. And no sooner had her hand left the edges of the handle had Jace's entire being entrapped her and his lips taking hers prisoner.  
This can't be right, she thought. He can't stand the sight of me let alone have an actual conversation with me, and now his lips are on mine, his hands are holding mine, and his heart is beating against mine…  
Clary tried to fight back. She tried to ignore the heat within her very core and the fire she felt where any inch of Jace touched her skin, but his grip on her hands merely tightened and his lips devoured any thought she had of escaping. She could feel his thighs against hers and the rise and fall of her chest became heavier. Clary returned Jace's abrupt kiss with passion of her own, melting into the shape of his perfectly toned arms and torso. She let her fingers close and grasp around his palms and held him there, slightly squeezing his wrists to make it seem she _could_ keep him there. But amongst the fire Clary felt a void, some kind of wall in her chest. She couldn't place what the source of the feeling was, but it pushed against her ribs, her lungs, making it impossible for her to breathe. Clary kissed Jace passionately one last time before pulling back, giving herself, and Jace, a much needed chance to breathe.  
"Thank God you're still there Clary, that's the most emotion I've seen from you in days. I was beginning to… to wonder if," whispered Jace, still inhaling deep.  
"What do you mean _the most emotion?_" she replied, wincing a little at the wall in her chest. It felt as if it was growing by the second! Now, it spread from her rib cage to her shoulders, and just as Jace began talking again she could feel the muscles in her arms begin to ache.  
"You don't remember..?" Jace answered as he slightly tilted his head. His breathing had returned to normal, whilst Clary's was still heaving in near unbearable agony. "Clary I… the last time I saw you, you were running out of the house in tears," he said, caressing his calloused thumb across her cheek. He wasn't as close as they were standing previously, but his proximity was still threatening. This all seems so familiar, déjà vu even…  
Then Clary remembers. The void which had been keeping her chest in-tack burst open like a dam reaching capacity and flooded her entire body, drowning any and every sense of normality. _Aline, Aline,_ he was in the house with her, standing as they are now, only their lips weren't unemployed.  
"Clary!" Jace shouts as she feels her knees give way and her grasp on Jace's right hand slip as she half collapsed to the floor. Jace and his reflexes had caught her before she hit the floor and any physical damage was done. But she still throbbed with _pain_. Clary felt waves upon waves of devastation and heartache the barrier had been protecting her from. She had walked in on Aline and Jace kissing and then, and then… nothing. She couldn't remember what had happened after that. Whether she stayed and shouted or if she ran out, not even if she just fell onto the floor and cried. It was as if her memory blanked for the rest of the day, not wanting to process that Jace had moved on… that he cared for someone else. Her own mind knew she wouldn't be able to cope with the suffering heartache it caused.  
Clary's mind returned from the world of lost thoughts when she heard Jace speak.  
"I'm sorry, Clary. I don't know how to explain myself so you'll understand. I just know that I—"  
"You what?" Clary sobbed, staring at him through unguarded eyes. They were red with tears she didn't know she had been crying and filled with sadness so profound, even Jace could barely stand to look at her. He had caused this. How _stupid_ could a man be? How utterly brainless does he have to be until he no longer recognises the only one in his heart _does_ love him back, that she's the one you should be kissing. But… since when does the man try and move on from his one and only? He doesn't. He holds her close and keeps her safe and _protects_ her from the pain that he's just caused. So instead of replying with one of his usually witty come-backs, Jace bows his head, unable to voice any reply.  
Clary sees his loss for words and decides to overlook it. If he's moved on, she doesn't want to know how he did it. Or maybe she should know how, so she could move on from him. The thought of it alone appears impossible, but if he can do it... How does one remove her own soul?  
Things Clary needs to know now are; what she did, and how this void of hers, whom she misses dearly now that the grief has over-taken her, came to be. "What did I do?"  
Jace looks up into her eyes and searches for the smallest sign of anger or hatred she might feel towards him, but for the life of him he couldn't find it. All he saw were two glistening emeralds of tenderness and longing.  
"When you entered the room, you saw me and—"  
"Aline," Clary answers abruptly.  
Jace looks away again, trying to control the increasingly overwhelming emotion of what he cannot be sure. It took a couple of seconds before he could gather himself again and continue on with his reply. "Yes. The second you walked into the room I immediately pulled away from her, feeling this… this gut-retching hole in my stomach. I couldn't believe what I had just done… and the expression on your face; I've never seen it before. You looked like you'd never seen me before, as if I was some stranger walking down the street. Then your eyes went blank and the spark I love so much about them," Jace reaches up as if to stroke her cheek, but stopped him self when Clary pulled away, "it disappeared," he whispered, letting his hand fall back down to his side. "Then as quickly as you came you were gone, racing down the hallway and slamming the front door behind you when there were no more hallways for you to run.  
"Everybody went out looking for you, but I couldn't… I wouldn't dare go after what I'd just done. If you'd seen me you would have… you probably would have…" Jace's voice broke as a rush of sorrow invaded his heart. "You would have run away from me as if I was a plague," he finally said, finishing his sentence.  
Clary was beginning to feel even worse as she realised he was hurting just as much as she was, trying to tell her what _she_ had done: her childish behaviour. How _stupid_ does a girl have to be before she realises her one and only is in pain because you're causing it? _It has to stop_, Clary thought, but as she went to say something – anything – to stop him from explaining whatever else happened, he was quicker.  
"Alec found you by a bridge not long after." Jace saw Clary's eyes widen in shock. "No nothing like that! You were hidden by the wall of the bridge closest to the wards. He tried to pick you up and carry you back to the house, but you yelled and fought against him. It wasn't until Isabelle arrived you let someone hold you and bring you back. Your eyes were shut the entire time, too," he said, "By the time Magnus had returned to the house, you were asleep."  
Clary went to ask if everyone was okay, when Jace spoke in a supposedly reassuring tone, "Don't worry, I only stayed for the first night. I didn't disturb you or even touch you; I just, I had to stay to make sure you were okay."  
"What about Aline? I'm sure she would have been confused about my behaviour," Clary said, her voice sounding unlike her own. This unknown voice sounded helpless and yet aggravated at the same time.  
"I told her it was none of her business and apologised to her if it seemed I was leading her on. I haven't seen her since," he stated, rolling his shoulders back in a minor proud movement. But as he locked eyes with Clary his stance faltered and the moment of pride turned into a particle of dust on a windy day. Jace's eyes, Clary noticed, were no longer incandescently gold, but dark and miserable. She couldn't stand it any longer! Yet still he spoke on, "Once you had woken up, you acted like nothing had happened. Like a, a zombie you walked around the house tidying up or drawing absently on a window sill. And when you saw me, there was nothing in your gaze. No hatred, no anger, no betrayal, not even a trace of affection; just an empty gaze. Magnus had no clue what was wrong. He'd checked on your vitals and couldn't sense anything askew. All he could say was 'time will tell'."  
Clary was stunned. "I didn't even know," she answered, "I thought… I felt something was wrong. Every time you saw me you would morph into another person entirely. Your eyes would darken," she said as her hand rose to trace the lines underneath his eyes, "your posture would crumble," Clary spoke as her other hand smoothed over his chest, "and then you would walk away. I'm sorry, I… I didn't know it was me," Clary finished as a small cry escaped her throat. Here he is thinking he's the one in the wrong when I'm the one that needs to be blamed! Clary felt like crying and apologising and telling him how sorry she felt for causing anybody any worry. She felt compelled to throw herself into his arms and plead to stay there for eternity.  
No words were needed. Jace feeling Clary's hands on his chest and his face removed the heartache he felt and replaced it with one of longing. He grasped onto her waist and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her soft, strawberry scented hair. He inhaled deeply and sighed as he felt her arms trap around his body, too.  
"I'm sorry Clary, I never meant to hurt you. But I had to try… I had to try and see if it was even _remotely_ possible for me to feel a morsel of affection for someone else as I do for you. And I can't! I felt sick when she closed the door and it was just us in the room, sick to my core. When you walked in, I thought my heart would stop—"  
"I can remember that part now…" Clary said, muffling the words into his neck, "and I remember it felt as though my heart _did_ stop beating."  
Jace loosened his grip on her the tiniest measure so he could rest his forehead against hers. He could feel her eyelashes on his cheeks, so he opened his eyes to find hers tinged with a flash of desire in them.  
They mirrored his own.  
With all the passion and love he possessed, Jace captured Clary's face in his hands and kissed her tenderly. He kissed her like the night they were up in the greenhouse on her birthday, the reminiscent taste of apple on her lips. Clary recognised it too. The gentle way his lips moved against hers and the caress of his hands on her face… sigh was all Clary could do against his unfailing charm. Then she could feel Jace's hands slip from her face and rest themselves one on her lower back, and the other the top of her neck. His kiss became more urgent and his lips parted hers in an eager line of attack. She gladly parted her lips and grabbed a handful of Jace's shirt and held him to her, again wishing she could keep him there forever…  
This kiss reminded her of the Seelie Court, only this time Jace pushed her against the wall. Along with the wall, Jace's hand on the nape of her neck and his arm reaching down to her lower-back, Clary was pushed against him in a rough but loving way she had greatly missed. Their breathing became haggard as they both stood there; kissing each other with so much passion and adoration, both could feel the other's rapid heart beat.  
Jace's left hand moved from Clary's neck to rest on her cheek and his right arm slipped away until it was just his hand against Clary's skin where her top had slid up.  
With one last, impossibly sweet and adoringly soft kiss, Jace sighed and pulled away from Clary's lips. _They're a dangerous thing to mess with,_ Jace thought, _one_ look and you'll be lost for days…  
Clary's eyes drifted from Jace's lips to the strong line of his jaw, then to the wild yet perfectly golden hair that only he could look so sexy in. Then Clary's gaze drifted to his eyes. They were smiling. No more were they shadows, but burning fires that appeared to be studying her. Clary couldn't help but smile. He's happy again. He's the normal, witty, charming and strong Jace she, she…  
"Jace," Clary breathed, the smile fading just a little from her reddened lips.  
"Clary…" he replied, his voice caressing the very heart of her soul.  
"I love you."  
Jace's face lit up. He felt the biggest smile spread across his face and his heart stop then start again double-time. "I knew you were going to cave in first," he said, trying not to burst out laughing in happiness.  
Clary beamed with bliss as Jace leant down, about to kiss her and against her lips whisper, "I love you, my one and only."


End file.
